Joseph and Mary had been summoned by the evil dictator to sign on the register at the Town Hall where they were born. They had been on the Padron at their local Town Hall for ages, but were used to dealing with mindless bureaucracy. Joseph had driven their old Ford Escort for many miles and Mary who was pregnant was feeling very tired and weary, so they sought a room for the night

“Sorry mate, no room in the motel” said the kindly landlord, but you and your missus can sleep in the garage amongst the tractors and Land Rovers. There is a bundle of clean cloths in the corner if you need bedding. You may find an empty box in there too for when the baby arrives”

The three rich businessmen

Some miles away three rich businessmen were driving their Lamborghinis whilst being guided by GPS when suddenly the satellite that was guiding them came into view and for or unaccountable reasons they altered course to match that of the brilliantly shining satellite.

Messages were received on their phones via facetwit that a VIP had been born who would one day have millions of followers. The shrewd businessmen couldn’t wait to meet this person and on the way stopped to buy some presents

They arrived at the motel which the satellite seemed to be hovering over and were ushered into the adjacent garage where in a corner among the tractors and Land Rovers was a new-born baby. The arc lights in the garage were behind the baby’s head and created a circular light which seemed of major significance. Clearly they were in the presence of an important personality so knelt before him and handed over their gifts of barrels of black gold, perfume and baby oil

Whilst Shepherds watched

Not everyone had access to mobile phones or twitface but the message was spread by many and various means. Shepherds have a lonely existence but a few of them had met up in some distant hills for an impromptu party feasting on mushrooms some of which appeared to be magic. Suddenly they were illuminated by a brilliant light from above. At first they thought that the light was coming from a Harley-Davidson Electra Glyde in White astride of which was a man dressed all in white with beating wings. Only later did they realise that it was a police helicopter.

“Don’t worry lads” said the angelic looking officer Gabriel from the open door of the chopper. “Nothing to worry about” for he could see that they were bricking it. “Got some great news. All this grief that we have been suffering for thousands of years may at last be

coming to an end. Some baby has been born and everyone thinks that he may have all of the answers to our problems if we follow him”

The shepherds were sceptical to say the least as many people would remain ever so, but nevertheless decided to follow the same satellite that had guided the businessmen and they too became smitten on arrival at the motel garage. They did vow though never to eat another mushroom

Herod and his Hummers

Meanwhile the evil dictator Herod was also hooked up to facetwit and sent his henchmen out to investigate. After all the last thing a dictator needs is someone who may become a threat. The henchmen piled into their blacked out Hummers, armed to the teeth just in case and reported back that the new-born may indeed pose a great threat due to his reverence

On hearing of the visit of the bad guys in the Hummers Joseph and Mary fled with their new-born; their old Ford Escort helped as they became anonymous amongst the masses. Herod was incandescent and set out upon the vilest case of infanticide ever known and so began killing in the name of one deity or another which would continue to plague mankind for thousands of years.

But if only for a short time, the hope that this would be at an end blesses us all at this time of the year. Let us hope that this time we can all drive in peace for longer than a few days