With the press awash with the financial crisis, Gibraltar sabre rattling and corruption, let’s have a laugh this week as a change from my more serious stuff. I cannot take credit for creating the jokes only for the selection from a large stock- enjoy!

The driving Pope

The Pope goes to Madrid, and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, “You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?”

The driver is understandably hesitant and says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m supposed to do that.”

But the Pope persists, “Please?”

The driver finally relents, “Oh, alright, I can’t really say no to the Pope.”

So the Pope takes the wheel like a boy racer! A Guardia Civil notices, pulls him over and asks the Pope to wind the window down. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.

Guardia: Chief, I have a problem.

Chief: What sort of problem?

Guardia: Well, you see, I pulled this man over for driving way over the speed limit, but it’s someone really important.

Chief: Important like the mayor?

Guardia: No, no, much more important than that.

Chief: Important like the president?

Guardia: Way more important than that.

Chief: Like the king?

Guardia: Much more important.

Chief: “Who’s more important than the king?”

Guardia: “I don’t know but he has the Pope DRIVING for him!”

Running away

A bloke is speeding along one day, police lights behind- oh bugger. Well he’s in a Porsche so decides, hey you only live once, let’s make a run for it. This goes on for a while, finally the bloke realizes he’s not getting away and pulls over

The Guardia comes up and is understandably irate: “YOU BETTER HAVE ONE HELL OF A GOOD REASON TO HAVE JUST PUT ME THROUGH ALL THAT

“Officer, I’m so sorry, this is all just a misunderstanding. You see, last week my wife ran off with a police officer, and I was terrified you were bringing her back.”

Kamikaze driver

Jonnie was driving home when his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Jonnie, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the AP7, you must be careful.” “You are right” said Jonnie, “But it’s not just the one car, it’s all of them!”

The inevitable blonde

A blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad gota fria. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a body shop. The mechanic noticing that she was a blonde, decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the exhaust pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s exhaust pipe. Nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said,

“What are you doing?”

The first blonde told her how the mechanic had instructed her to blow into the exhaust

pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said … “HELLLLO” “You need to wind up the windows”

For the bikers

All the major motorcycle manufacturers had a big meeting and decided that motorcycles need a safer image. So they hire a team of 100 scientists, 100 engineers and 100 statisticians to work on the problem full time for one year and submit a comprehensive strategy of how to make bikes less dangerous.

A year later, the team responds with their final analysis.

Their report is one page long. The singe piece of paper has three words printed in the middle of it: “Add more wheels.”

Hope you’re feeling better